the duality of missing someone…through YOU!!!

Life indeed brings forth changes of assumptions, beliefs and norms. I till recently used to perceive emotions, feelings, thoughts as having just one meaning, the one that people take as universal. Nevertheless, I have had so many changes in my thinking process during the past couple of years, that I started believing in a duality of meaning when it concerns norms and terms, and especially feelings and emotions! Exactly today, I realized that in my world, missing someone is based in an essential belief in its duality. There are two instances that one can miss someone: the first one when you want to have once again sharing of important moments, little details or just common life experiences. This is the one that I believed to be the only meaning behind missing someone. However, I realized that there is still another hidden meaning of it, namely, a meaning one doesn’t want to reveal just because it is somewhat painful. Missing someone through the other side of the coin, means knowing that you will never or almost never be able to see that someone, share those experiences, important moments or little details. It is this second meaning that filled the blanks in my definition of relationships with some people! Before realizing this second meaning, I just couldn’t say that I miss those specific people, because I knew that I will no longer see them, have them near me, touch them…I just couldn’t miss these abstract characters with the first meaning of it! I JUST couldn’t miss YOU!
I once missed you because I thought that you will remain a person in my life, a friend, a brother, someone to look up to! I missed you in the first sense of it, because there was one part in me that just didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that slowly but surely you were fading away and taking an abstract form. A part of me wanted to keep you alive in my life; never let you go; close you in a cage and imprison you forever in my heart! All these, because I truly missed you… (in the first meaning of missing:))
Then, as time passed and as you were fading away into the world of forgetfulness, abstract intangible things, random and ordinary people, I realized I couldn’t miss you because I didn’t have ground for it. You would never again be there for me in the way you were before; I would never again be able to share details with you; and there wouldn’t be any more sharing of important moments or just common life experiences. In your world and for those around you, you still go on living, but in my world, you died as a person and kept living as a lovely remembrance. YES, in my life, you were turning into a memory and a comic character. Not a simple character, but a superhero. One that children keep with themselves every time they go to bed so that it keeps guard on them, or anywhere else where they need special encouragement and protection. You became a superhero of a comic book that I was part of. You were so good that I thought for a moment that you were a real superhero…a rare one that doesn’t abandon people around. Yet, you showed to be a just another superhero that lives in comics and has neither power nor will to go out of them. You showed to me that reciprocity is a relationship that only couple of our wish list items have the privilege to get…and you were not one of those! Anyhow, in front of your character I am and will always be a child that will never forget nor replace you as a superhero. You will remain a superhero because no other gave me a blend of friend’s sincere counsel, father’s warm love, and brother’s unconditional support.
I embraced you as an abstract character of my favorite comic book because I LOVE its Writer. And I love His books! If He thought that you would be better off as a superhero of another book, then it must be because that’s the best way to keep your story going. And I am grateful to Him for letting me have a grasp of you in a ten page but yet beautiful and unforgettable book. Enough to turn you in the most powerful superhero my character has experienced and has loved!!!
Thanks to the other side of the coin that I never thought to exist, I went on missing you and filled the vacuum of my feelings. Finally, I can again freely say: I still miss you! And thanks to you, I will never grow old, because I will always remain a child that will love your superhero character more with every next day I will be missing it!

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