Who am I?

I am the aim I give myself to be.

The one defined by the actions I do, the words I say, the life I live. I am the one that gets the meaning through the perception I limit myself. As such, my definition varies, according to my thoughts and their materializations, according to my beliefs and their manifestations, according to my relations and their actualizations. I am the reflection of Thy names and the attributes of the one He eternally cursed. The composition of flesh, soul, ego, reason and lust. I am the fight between them all, but I am also the winner of it.

When the ego (nefs) wins, I am it. I become the material form I strive for, the ambitions I represent, the love towards this world. I am the animal, the satan and the selfish self. I am full of myself without space for others in it, full of ignorance convinced I am smarter, full of misery in the mask of happiness. I target my pray and I fight to get it, until I realize I was full of myself so much that there is no space for it in me. In my EGO self, I love none but me, being the only  one worth of loving. My heart knows to hate whatever is not me, for whatever is worse and better has no place in it. In my EGO self, I am the lover and the loved, the marriage of me and myself in a communion of stubbornness, arrogance, conceit, haughtiness, self-liking, narcisism. I become the spectre through which the cursed one shows the colors to the world, I become his best advocate. In such a value of self, I come from nothing to end as nothing. The in-between is just an interval that either made the nothing more visible or made it fade, yet to end up as nothing.

I am also the soul that knows none of what the ego strives for. Through it, I become a subduer, submitter. I become the voice of my inception, the answer Kaluu Belaa (Yes, indeed). I become the moon reflecting the rays of light from sun, showing to the world the attributes of my Lord. I am the mercy, the forgiver, the source of peace, the pure one, the generous. I look towards the sky and get fed by what came  down from it as a revelation and guidance. The soul that I am had a beginning but has no end. It is eternal, manifesting itself through the limits and boundaries of the body. Within the nothing, it is everything. It is the meaning that makes nothing valuable, for it gives it a purpose worth being born and dying. The soul that I am knows how to convert the ending world into eternal result. Limited within the body, it is also limited within this material world. It has to fight with whatever comes into its path towards reaching the aim of testifying the Kaluu Belaa, and uses the limits for its expression. The world becomes a stage where the soul acts, where it shows its worth. It loves and awaits no love in return; is benefitial and gives thanks to its Creator for not being harmful; finds peace in what it shares and gives and not what it get; it’s a hands that gives not a hand that asks. It is a myriad of goodness for it wills to stand by its vow.

Yet, who am I? I am what I aim to make of myself. I am the abd (slave), selfless and filled with others. I am the fight between the reflections of His names that the soul tries to represent and the characteristics of satan that the ego abundantly accepts. I am both, and none. Because I am a human, that has been called upon with a purpose. To be a representer of Him on earth. I am the abd that denies to be satan, and who proves God’s words “I know what you know not” testifying to the angels that I am a creation that submits to Him who created him, bows down and prostrates to show his modesty and weakness in front of The Most High, The Almighty. I am the abd that knows how evil he can get, thus has something in his hands which resembles none of what he reflects. I am the abd that knows how to ask for forgivness and with it I resemble myself, for God needs no such thing and satan was to proud to have it. I am the abd that once mistaking, knows how to show his repentance and where to ask for it.

I am what I aim to be, and my aim is not to be nothing. For nothing is too useless to strive for, too empty to cherish and too unimportant as to fight for. I am not everything, for I wasn’t created to be so, but I am what I aim to be and that is an abd in the whole sense of the word.

Loving for the sake of God

After reading for several times the excerpts from Ghazali’s On the Duties of Brotherhood, and Habib’s great article on it, I couldn’t but share my reflections from the two.

While there are many important aspects that underlie the love for the sake of God, which in this particular case is funneled into the brotherly love for His sake, the following is my own perception of it as of always and also affected now by the works mentioned above, and by the vllaicim/friends that gave it a practical meaning.

To start with, I want to highlight the importance of ever wanting to have such kind of brotherhood. There are two dimensions that I understand this value:

• The Prophet of Allah, salAllahu te’ala aleyhi we sel-lem, in a hadith has said

There are seven people whom Allah will draw under His own shadow on the day when there will be no other shadow: a just ruler; a youth who was brought up fearing Allah; a man who likes to say his prayers in mosques regularly; a man who remembered Allah so his eyes are over filled with tears , two persons who meet and disperse with sincerity to Allah’s teachings; a man who refuses to be seduced by a pretty and influential woman fearing Allah; a man who has given alms and concealed it so that his left hand knew not what his right hand did.

Being listed within the seven is enough to consider brotherhood for the sake of Allah as a calling in life, as something one should not pass to the other word without having. However, compared to other reasons that make one be shadowed in the shadow of Allah, one can see that in a modern world one is quite neglectful or unable to strive for all the rest. Apparently not every one of us gets the chance to be a ruler, so that he could try to rule justly. With the hectic time we have, one is unable to pray his prayers in the mosque regularly, and not all of us get to be seduced by women so that one can refuse to commit adultery fearing Allah thus becoming a Yusuf of modern time. Most of us might have passed their youth already not on the level needed to be shadowed by Allah.

So there are three things left to achieve such a degree. While of the three the most important one is to remember Allah and in doing so his eyes to be shed with tears, still its personal and doesn’t affect others. Giving alms in such a hidden way is sometimes halted by the fact of having something to give as alms. The one left, which is altruistic and selfless, which doesn’t necessarily require material wealth, is loving your brother for the sake of Allah, be it while together or when apart.

• Yet there is another dimension which makes this love so unique and special. Committing yourself in a bond of brotherhood, you accomplish the meaning of a Muslim, who loves not due to kinship but for the sake of belonging to the same faith and for the sake of Him who has enlightened them with that faith. On this regard, Al Hasan says: “Our brothers are dearer to us than our families and our children, because our families remind us of this world while our brothers remind us of the Heareafter.” Our families have been given to us as an obligation, as a tie that we are not supposed to break, as people that we have to love and be there for them. A brother in deen is different because you choose to have him, naked from all the material gains and ties and dressed with the robe of Afterlife where the two would together enjoy the fruits of such a noble love. Furthermore al Hasan says, “If a man stand by his brother to the end then on the Day of Ressurection God will send angels from beneath His Throne to escort him to the Garden of Paradise.” May we all live to witness that. Amin.

Now, returning to Ghazali’s concepts of brotherhood and the obligations that follow it, there are few points I want to highlight and reflect upon.

His definition of the concept of brotherhood still leaves me amazed,

The contract of brotherhood confers upon your brother a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart – by way of forgiveness, prayer, sincerity, loyalty, relief, and considerateness.

In a way he says it all: a brother in faith is a contract which one willingly enters into for the sake of God and with the intention of walking together a journey that will result in a reward. All one has, becomes shared for as the Prophet, salAllahu te’ala aleyhi we sel-lem, says, “Two brothers are likened to a pair of hands, one of which washes the other.”The brother gives all he has to the brother, the material wealth, the spiritual guidance and the knowledge he posses and his tongue, to articulate the praises towards his brother and correct him on things that do him no well in this and the next world.

The right the brother has over your heart is to have him there always until it stops beating. The heart should love endlessly and with no reserves, no expectations. Such heart is grateful to God for allowing it to be beneficial and not harmful to the creation. It is aware that the hand that gives is always better than the one that takes, thus expects nothing in return from his brother so as to be better in his deen. The heart that belongs to the brother finds joy in giving love, knowledge and his time and not in getting the same back. This lesson was taught to me by a very valuable friend that provided my heart with the cure it needed.

In addition, this love is accompanied by emotions and actions that are way too positive and not often used by people. A person in himself is a combination of the reflections of the names of God and attributes of the Satan. Forgiveness is the one thing that makes human special, especially the possibility not only to forgive but also to ask for forgiveness.

For one who has tasted the sweetness of brotherhood, the prayer is means to attach the love towards his brother with God. The prayer is communication with God about what he wants for his brother forgetting on the way himself. The prayer proves that at the best level of brotherhood the siddiq one (sincere), one becomes selfless filing the vacuum of the self with the love towards his brother.

Loyalty as a concept applied to brotherhood, means to be consistent in your love towards him, and continuous. The love that does not continue until the brother dies, was not love for Allah’s sake to begin with. The length of such love is endless because of the cause of it: Allah. He is eternal, so is the love in the brotherhood for His sake.

May we all come to experience such a profound love, which might become the cause to achieve the other aspects that shadow one in Allah’s shadow on the day when there will be no other. One becomes more aware of Allah through loving for His sake, and through being beneficial to His creations. Once we achieve it, may we not allow it to end and pray for it to be one of our arguments on the Day of Judgment.